Rifling through the radio stations on my car stereo, looking for my daily fix of irrelevant bullshit a.k.a news, is when I first took notice. The guy standing on the corner, showered in Nike. The Castor and Pollux of burger chains, McDonald’s and Burger King, arrogantly occupied the remainder of the block. Locked in eternal conflict. The woman in the car next to me, pitifully barbified, taking a long pull from the ubiquitous Starbuck’s cup. Mouth agape, I take inventory of myself. Shirt, Hilfiger. Shorts, same. Shoes, Nike. Watch, Guess Collection. It was as if I were begining to use my eyes for the first time. A profound allegory cliched by Andy and Larry Wachowski. Way to go, fellas. Plato thanks you.

Nevermind that though. I began to reflect on my life as a mindless consumer, the corporate slave. Embarrassingly recounting the slavish way I shop at Safeway, Kroger, King Sooper, etc. Or how I haven’t bought an article of clothing that wasn’t "cool" in a long while. Hold on. That’s it. I have found the core problem. Who moved my cool?

Maybe I am growing old, or may be I am just growing weary of bullshit. You be the judge. Nevermind that. Remember when being cool meant being different? In fact, Merriam-Webster defines cool as, "unaffected and showing indifference." That is the fourth definition, but anyway. I think that most of us are aeons away from unaffected. Just due south of indifferent. Hell, if we weren’t conforming, I wonder what the hell we would be doing. If we weren’t worrying about what the next person thinks,what, in the name of all things cool, would we be thinking about? You know it. You have something that identifies you as a corporate slave. Nike? Adidas? McDonald’s bag growing ripe in your garbage can? Fess up. Ikea catalog coming to a house near you? I got it; Pottery Barn. No? Liar.

Listen: Here is your homework project for the day. Reclaim your cool. Fight your herd instinct. Forgo Starbuck’s.  Let McDonald’s and Burger King fight it out between themselves. Wear a plain white t-shirt, or black or whatever. You decide. Because there’s no maybe, baby. You’re not cool, and you haven’t been for quite sometime. Now, aren’t you just a little pissed? No, then try this: If you are the first one to run out and buy whatever some celebrity is hocking, or you’re the first of your friends to get that trendy haircut, congratulations! You’re the first one to conform. Welcome to your designer inspired life! Lemming.


Parting shot: "Real eyes realize real lies." That courtesy of my friend in Silver City.


Peace and one love,


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