Just add one megalomaniacal owner. That’s how you destroy a world-class organization like the Dallas Cowboys. Seriously, what the fuck is Jerry Jones doing? He has not done one damn thing to improve the Cowboy organization since hiring Jimmy Johnson. He and his king-sized ego jacked that up, too. Oh let me count the ways I can be a Homerian pain in the ass.
I could always run the best coach in the league (at the time) out of the organization in my pathetic, desperate pursuit of personal acclaim. Hmm. There is an idea. How about this? How about I give a college coach the best seat in the house as Jimmy Johnson’s team wins yet another Super Bowl? Seriously, Barry Switzer lost all semblances of diginity when he accepted that Super Bowl ring. Nevermind that, though. I can do better. I will pass over a receiver the caliber of Randy Moss because of character issue concerns, only to sign the poster child of self-absorbed divas–TO. Character issues? I wonder if Jerry Jones managed to find himself alone with the sports section last football season. Or perhaps a little ESPN? Maybe he would have heard of the character issues of a certain diva. You know, the one that was sent home because he behaved like a two-year-old. Character issues? TO wrote, directed and starred in his own soap opera: Retarded. Nevermind the fact that he disrespected the star in Texas Stadium. This is a juvenile in an adult’s body. Sophomoric prick. Anyway, I think sigining TO will do plenty to alienate the Cowboy fan base, but let’s be sure. How about I cut my perennial all-pro RG? You know the one. The only remaining member of the team who won a Super Bowl. One of only three people who have made the Pro Bowl at two positions.
Now let me pause my diatribe and admit that, yes, Larry Allen’s skills have diminished some and he is not the freakish blend of athleticism and strength that he was when drafted out of Sonoma State. And I heard today that he may be back as a Cowboy if he is willing to take a pay cut. So what? The point is that Larry Allen has been the quintessential teammate, leader and performer for the Cowboy organization for over a decade and you reward him by cutting him instead of paying him the roster bonus that comes due the first week in April. Then you run out and sign pancreatic cancer and guarantee him $10 million this year. A move that can only be described as Faustian.
Anyway, I am going to stop here before I stroke out. The Nuggets and Spurs are playing and I want to get to that. But before I go, if Michael Irvin will get off TO’s nuts for just a minute, that would be great. Seriously, it’s unseemly and nauseating.